Lonliness is next to Godliness?

This weeks time magazine includes excerpts from a beloved woman-of-God's struggle against depression and loneliness. Mother Teresa writes things like, "Lord, my God, who am I that you should forsake me? The child of your Love-and now become as the most hated one-the one-you have thrown away as unwanted-unloved. I call, I cling, I want-and there is no One to answer--no one on whom I can cling-no, No One.--Alone...Where is my faith." She goes on like this over and over again in letters to her confessors. She writes to the Rev. Lawrence Picachy, "Tell me, Father, why is there so much pain and darkness in my soul?"

I haven't read the entire article yet, but I am sort of in shock. Every time I read of a great respected leader's personal struggles it always shatters my perception of who they were. I would think I should know by now that leadership can be a lonely place. Take King David's lamenting in the psalms, or Jobs painful pleas to end his life--great men throughout the bible have lived through loneliness and doubt, and we see it today as well.

Dorie and I have been through our own Valleys and have tasted a little bit of what Mother Teresa describes. Those nights of utter loneliness and confusion when you feel like you have lost everything-even the presence of God. Those times when you can't muster even a seed of hope and all you can see ahead is darkness.

In those times, we simply have stood on the promises of God. One time, I just looked at this little wood carving of the word "hope" on our book shelf until I could feel a twinge of it again. No, we are not perfect and leadership can be a lonely place, but I heard it said once that on the other side of Loneliness is God's presence.

But the good news is that David writes about a God that is with us even when we, "walk through the valley of the shadow of death." There is nothing like coming through a valley experience to build your faith, but better yet to show you how much our Father loves us.

I pray for my students that when they are on the mission field and find themselves in a valley that they will stand firm on the promise of God to bring them through. It is something I cannot teach them, but they will have to walk through on their own. I believe in you guys!

graduation day!

I can't believe the day is here. Never have I have looked forward to yet dreaded a day as much as this one. I looked forward to it, because this is the first ever class to graduate (Christina will always have the honors of guinea pig 1 though) from the Fuel Curriculum. And I dreaded it because it would mean that our year together is over. I feel like Tula's dad in the movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when he said, "Why you wanna leeeve me!" But alas, I must let them go, because God has a calling on their lives and the whole point of what we do in the FUEL intern program has to do with equipping and launching. They are equipped and ready, now the countdown begins. Elizah is heading to Honduras to teach English and help begin a youth ministry program. Randa is heading to Derry, Northern Ireland to work in the public school system sharing God's love. Sean is already in Florida training before he leaves for South Africa and then Asia to work with Book of Hope as a trainer. Manny is heading to Bombay, India to work with teen challenge, and Sarah is heading to Fiji to help begin a medical clinic and a university. Angie is going to help me here at the home base get the new class of interns up and running before she heads to India herself. Yea, you could say I am proud. I am so thankful to have crossed paths and built relationship with such fine people. There is no doubt in my mind that these students are going to change the world!

TEAM A horsing around at St. Pauls church. We had just finished the kids club and couldn't put the props down. J.R., Brandon, ME, Melody, and Jessica.
It has been a great time being with the kids, I just wish we had longer. It is only about 2hrs that we spend with them.
I am so greatful to be serving with the 15 members of our belfast team. All of them have worked hard to impact the neighborhoods we are serving in and they have blessed our missionary Jonny Caldwell too. I am very proud of them. Lets just say they know how to 'negotiate' very well!

marching day

The crowds were packed into the intersection on the Shankill Road. There was a buzz in the air as the different protestant lodges marched through the streets flutists, drumers, and twirlers giving it all they had. I always wondered why the children at our outreaches here in Belfast would use marching conducter batons, but at the parade where they sold childrens baton's and all the kids would march behind the conductors as they passed-I had no doubt why. It was difficult to imagine these little ones understanding that the groups they were marching in had very serious intentions that could be violent and at times sensless in their hatred of their neighbors not two blocks away. I wondered what beat that my children would march too, what heroes and toys would they idolize and what example I was leaving them.
Just then, one of the leaders from the church we are ministering with shouted, "theres my uncle!" Everyone waved as he passed by with his orangeman's garb on.
The whole experience left me desiring to seek God's face so much more, that his presence in my life would root out the hidden hatred, sin, and impurities that can be so nicely masked that I would never notice them without God's light.
Belfast Team 2007 is ready for the next week. We desire so badly to support our host church and pastor Jonny Caldwell. We will be doing al kinds of children's activities and neighborhood outreach to share the love of Christ...for all men.

can you take me higher?

Urban Challenge was challenging in so many ways. The 45 ft up in the air rope bridge, the zip line, sleeping in the same room with Chad Nance, Finding parking in San Francisco, but most of all on Tuesday night when the Lord spoke to each of us. It was one of those amazing trips. I will never forget the stories pastor Tim Gavigan of Glad Tidings told us of Smith Wigglesworth raising a man from the dead. The best thing was after Tim told us of all the amazing miracles that had been done in that church he said, "but we are more excited about what God has promised to in our future." That is vision my friends. He inspired us and we sought God till the wee hours of the morning and God spoke vision to each of us. My Word was to "Stand Strong." It was so appropriate as I have been fielding some doubt lately. Blessings

Four Star

Well it is off to MO for a few days of rest and relax...oh started dreaming again. I am actually going to MO to sit at a booth and go to meetings for the next five days. The cool part is the 4 star hotel I am in! Thanks poppa Steve!
Pray that our time with the leaders of the Assemblies of God is one of making new friends and connections to help us continue to support the youth leaders in the U.S.

I have been a ninja for God for the past few days in China. I am amazed at how beautiful the scenery is and how kind the people are. Total strangers make sure we get the right buses, eat the right food, and get all that we need as we travel through their towns. This has been the trip of a lifetime for me. We are looking forward to bringing our interns and teams here in the future and training them to be ninjas too.
hi ya!

The past few days have been tough. The news of Pastor Ted Haggard's resignation from the NAE and New Life Church as well as all of the accusations flying and his confessions to some "sexual indiscretion" have left me sick. The only category of shock that I can compare it to is the way I felt watching the twin towers come down. I know that Pastor Ted's moral failure is in no way as terrible as all of those who perished in the 911 attacks. The similarity is in the way that both events felt like a punch in my stomach. It has consumed my thoughts the last few days. We have several students that have graduated or are currently attending leadership programs at Ted Haggards church, and my heart goes out to them. We pray for them to find peace in this storm to find their center in the presence of God and allow Him to bring forgiveness and healing. Dorie and I have been praying for Ted's wife Gayle and their children and I would ask you to pray as well.
Two things the Lord is speaking to me as I pray through this:
1. Bryan, there is never a time in your walk that you become immune to sin. Satan is crouching at the door and you must stay on guard and maintain a "battle" mindset lest you relax and are devoured. But know that My Spirit will give you a way out in every temptation, and the strength to take it!
2. Be quick to actively forgive him. Honor the work God has done through him, and focus on that rather than the sin.

The church is known for shooting its wounded, in order to change this mindset we must actively seek to forgive and restore those who have fallen. We must err on the side of love instead of punishment.

Well it is late and I am getting ready for service tomorrow. Tomorrow, Ted's church will be reading a letter of explanation and apology as well as a letter of encouragement from his wife Gayle. The church website will probably publish it: http://www.newlifechurch.org/

Just want to brag on the interns for a minute. We did our first few services together today as a whole team, and they did great. I was very proud of Randa, Christina, Sarah, and Elizah for being so clear and passionate while sharing their testimonies. They held a prop in their hands while they spoke about what kept them from really pursuing the call of God on their lives and then when they finished sharing they broke the prop and threw it into a metal trash can...the shattering glass got everyone's attention.
Manny-Fresh and Shank (Sean), you guys will forever be the audience "thrillers"-no one can get the kids dancing like you did.
Angela, your demon was particularly menacing today during the skit-maybe that is why you attacked me with your water bottle today...I think you need to see our campus counselor Dave.
Everyone had a great attitude overall and served well. One example I observed was after lunch. We had done two high energy services and just ate a filling lunch so when enterd the chapel for our third service we pretty much all just wanted to sit around a little. Instead of just relaxing, Elizah offered to take over vacuuming for one of the school janitors. We have been talking about serving others and your actions personified the heart of our team and Global Passion--Great Job.

Fasting

AAAHHHHH...The 3 day fast is over and I just had one of the best Mexican meals I have ever had. What a great feeling. I had three cups of Dunkin donuts coffee the best coffee in the world!
Whenever we fast like this I love the way the Lord feels so near. Everyone has had such a great experience and did so good. (Lizah only smelled the pizza!). All of us felt a breakthrough in our hearts. Mine was in the area of selfishness. It is hard to admit, but I am still struggling with the same things from kindergarten, but instead of fighting over toys it is stinginess with my time, my space, and my expectations. When you are so weak that you can't argue anymore...God can make some progress maturing you!
Anyway fasting for us at Global Passion is an amazing time. It is a normal part of our schedule at the FUEL intern program. If you have never tried it, maybe you could skip a lunch this week and go to the park and just talk to God. You will be surprised at the difference it makes in your ability to resist temptation and hear the voice of God.

Fun with the fam

We had a great time with Dories Grandma and aunt while in Sacraemento last week.
Here are four generations of Women in our family...Sandy (dories sis) Cookie (dories mom) Grandma, suzie (dories aunt), Dorie, Missy (dories other sis), Makenna, and Jada.

I am so sleepy. It is almost 1am and I am up having a hard time sleeping. Here is a little trick I learned in bible college: If I want to get right to bed I simply read the book of Numbers...and"jehosaphat begat lemonfat and lemonfat begat wahutzy"..ZZZZZZ

If you ever wondered who Brendan looks like...we do too!

Whew! I never knew having seven children at once could be so draining! I feel like a proud papa of six new kids, but they aren't kids at all, they are our new Global Passion Interns for 2006-2007. Randa (can I get an inhaler?), Sean (shank), Elizah (drives like a bat out of heck), Sarah (the momma), Manuel(scoobydoo van), and Angela (our cow girl). And of course Christina (OMG) makes seven (she started in January because she is special.
What makes our team so effective is that one persons weakness is covered by another's strength. It really has been a God designed team and they are already making an impact as part of the GPM Family.
Pics and details of the crew will go onto the website in the next few days but this one is of us conquering our 5 mile hike during orientation weekend.

I can't believe it has been this long since I updated the site. Time flys! We are here in Belfast, n. Ireland right now with our Global Passion teams. One of our pastors, Dan Williams is doing a great job keeping up with the trip...www.rescued.typepad.com/remnantyouthministries

This video will get you fired up

"That's My King"

Just want to say howdy to all those students applying right now. A few personal hello's to Angie, Robert, Elizah, Kim, and Sara. It may seem impossible for you to apply, get all your paperwork done, and raise your support to get here, and your right; it is impossible. Here at Global Passion we do the impossible everyday. I watch hundreds of young people raise thousands of dollars each in order to get to the mission field. When we step out in obedience we must remember we are walking in the supernatural. One of our missionaries in Zimbabwe keeps reminding me...God's work, done God's way, will never lack God's supply. We are honored to have the chance to work with you, and it will be my delight to watch God supply all that you need to fulfill the call on your life.

----B

Cool Christian portal with lots of resources:
www.crossmap.com

Best airfare

I love getting my travel zoo email every week. Some of their deals are really amazing, but you have to book quickly because they sell out so fast. www.travelzoo.com

$769-$959 -- India from Across the U.S. (Roundtrip)

http://www.travelzoo.com/Top20.asp?md=w00225584

Source: American Airlines

Slugs don't gross her out?!

Dorie finally agreed on a pet. After all her research and eliminating the ones that gross her out we settled on underwater snails. Yes you read that right. Snails that live underwater like fish. So my kids get slugs for pets. One hasn’t moved since we brought it home. I don’t know if it is dead or if that is just what slugs do. Before we got to the pet store my kids had already named their pets-to-be. Brendan's will be called "brown-eyes," and Makennas will be dubbed her favorite food, "cheese puffs." Come to think of it, Makenna has named several dolls, and misc toys cheese puff.

Best Travel Deals

I love getting my travel zoo email every week full of their handpicked deals. Some are really amazing, but book fast cause they sell out quick. www.travelzoo.com

$769-$959 -- India from Across the U.S. (Roundtrip)
http://www.travelzoo.com/Top20.asp?md=w00225584
Source: American Airlines