DANGER: This one is going to get Mushy!

I have been attempting to add a little romance in my marriage...yes I can hear the interns making gagging noises right now. But the reality is any man can romance 100 women 1 time, but it takes a real man to romance 1 woman 100 times. Think about that guys. So anyway I have been writing little notes to her on the above cards and this time around I found a quote that sums up a lot of what we have been learning lately.

Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Rabbi Julius Gordon

As Dorie and I grow together and learn more and more about each other, I have to admit there are some things at my core that I am not too proud of and I have a hard time sharing or letting her see. But as we reveal our faults, and darkest secrets to each other something funny has happened. What we thought would repulse and drive the other away, has actually brought us closer together. Our commitment is growing stronger as we open up and trust each other with our true selves. It isn't always easy, it can be downright tough, but in the end there is nothing like looking into the eyes of someone that has seen our worst and yet still loves us completely.
It is how the Father loves us. God knows your heart, you can't hide anything yet he completely loves you...There truly is nothing like His love. Today, no matter what you have done or how bad you think you are, Know that God has seen it all and He is absolutely in love with you.

Lonliness is next to Godliness?

This weeks time magazine includes excerpts from a beloved woman-of-God's struggle against depression and loneliness. Mother Teresa writes things like, "Lord, my God, who am I that you should forsake me? The child of your Love-and now become as the most hated one-the one-you have thrown away as unwanted-unloved. I call, I cling, I want-and there is no One to answer--no one on whom I can cling-no, No One.--Alone...Where is my faith." She goes on like this over and over again in letters to her confessors. She writes to the Rev. Lawrence Picachy, "Tell me, Father, why is there so much pain and darkness in my soul?"

I haven't read the entire article yet, but I am sort of in shock. Every time I read of a great respected leader's personal struggles it always shatters my perception of who they were. I would think I should know by now that leadership can be a lonely place. Take King David's lamenting in the psalms, or Jobs painful pleas to end his life--great men throughout the bible have lived through loneliness and doubt, and we see it today as well.

Dorie and I have been through our own Valleys and have tasted a little bit of what Mother Teresa describes. Those nights of utter loneliness and confusion when you feel like you have lost everything-even the presence of God. Those times when you can't muster even a seed of hope and all you can see ahead is darkness.

In those times, we simply have stood on the promises of God. One time, I just looked at this little wood carving of the word "hope" on our book shelf until I could feel a twinge of it again. No, we are not perfect and leadership can be a lonely place, but I heard it said once that on the other side of Loneliness is God's presence.

But the good news is that David writes about a God that is with us even when we, "walk through the valley of the shadow of death." There is nothing like coming through a valley experience to build your faith, but better yet to show you how much our Father loves us.

I pray for my students that when they are on the mission field and find themselves in a valley that they will stand firm on the promise of God to bring them through. It is something I cannot teach them, but they will have to walk through on their own. I believe in you guys!

graduation day!

I can't believe the day is here. Never have I have looked forward to yet dreaded a day as much as this one. I looked forward to it, because this is the first ever class to graduate (Christina will always have the honors of guinea pig 1 though) from the Fuel Curriculum. And I dreaded it because it would mean that our year together is over. I feel like Tula's dad in the movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when he said, "Why you wanna leeeve me!" But alas, I must let them go, because God has a calling on their lives and the whole point of what we do in the FUEL intern program has to do with equipping and launching. They are equipped and ready, now the countdown begins. Elizah is heading to Honduras to teach English and help begin a youth ministry program. Randa is heading to Derry, Northern Ireland to work in the public school system sharing God's love. Sean is already in Florida training before he leaves for South Africa and then Asia to work with Book of Hope as a trainer. Manny is heading to Bombay, India to work with teen challenge, and Sarah is heading to Fiji to help begin a medical clinic and a university. Angie is going to help me here at the home base get the new class of interns up and running before she heads to India herself. Yea, you could say I am proud. I am so thankful to have crossed paths and built relationship with such fine people. There is no doubt in my mind that these students are going to change the world!